DaddyOverload & Myself had got together when I was just 18 he was 22, we met at Cineworld cinema in 2007 and was like a world wind romance. I was mad about him love that he was older. I had fallen pregnant with the first year of our relationship but unforuntally I lost the baby in the first 12weeks, was horrible a month before my 19 birthday I go for my 12 week scan to find the baby wasnt there. Maybe it was hiding, I knew it wasnt but when everyone was on my case about being pregnant so young and I was being stupid by having a baby I really wanted to have this baby to show everyone wrong and that I wasnt stupid or to young. Wasnt meant to be.
Losing the baby hit us both really hard, DaddyOverload was excited about it all we had told quite a few people. I felt so stupid but so alone at the same. The hardest part was ringing my mum to tell her that I’d lost the baby there wasnt anything there. I deal with loss really bad I find it hard to deal with so I went around like nothing had happened. When we found out that I was pregnant we brought a really cute me2you bear with a little polar bear suit on was a blue nose. They had only just come out then, we kept it and named him Deacon, I say him because till this day I still believe the baby was a boy even my mum thought and calls him baby bobby. Think that’s how I managed to deal with. He was due on Halloween so would be 11 this year doesn’t feel like it been that long and not a day goes by where I don’t think about him or talk about him. Its amazing how you can miss someone so much that was never born or that you never got to meet.
Soon as I was ok and back to normal I told DaddyOverload I wanted to try again. Every month the period came till I was 21 month before my 22nd birthday I missed a period nope I thought I cant be Ill leave it for a few more weeks and then test. The time come I brought a test 3 weeks after my 22nd birthday, We had never been so nervous. We looked at the test 2 lines. No it couldn’t be I couldn’t be? Could I? We didnt tell a single person for about 2 weeks, I just kept testing to make sure I was still pregnant. Morning sickness came I was so happy lasted till I was 13 weeks. I told the midwife and we went for a scan because I had told her my fears and what had happen years before. I was 9 week and a few days. There was a tiny little baby heart beat and everything we were so happy. Still didnt tell anyone. My middle sister had, had my niece the day before I went for my scan so I kept it a secret as I didnt want to tell everyone and take that away from her I wanted her to enjoy the attention that you get.
The time came for my 12week scan, still only DaddyOverload and myself knew, more nerouvs then I was for the other scan. Drunk so much water that I thought I was going to wet myself, again their he was growing nicely with a strong heart beat. Few days after I had my scan I went to my mums, I had waited till everyone was their that day. My mum, my dad and both of my sisters plus I got to meet my new niece at the same time. I rememeber feeling sick with nervs, I was hovering around my mums kitchen then she told me that our life long friend has just found out she was pregnant. Great I thought what do I do? In the end I just told my mum I have something to tell you , don’t tell me your pregnant as well…. yeah I said I’m just over 3months…. don’t think she expected me to say that. My middle sister was happy that I had waited to tell everyone as I explained that I had my 9 week scan the day after she had my niece.
Pregnancy was great didnt have any problems, as my bump grew bigger I got more excited. We went for our 20week scan we decided to find out what sex the baby was, I thought he was going to be a girl but you couldn’t help but see that he was a boy he had his leg wide open on the screen. We was so happy that we were having a boy but we couldn’t decide on his name for a while. We decided on Oliver, our little Olly pants have no idea where Olly pants came from but still to this day I call him Pants and he is nearly 8. He doesn’t mind but I’m waiting for that time where I call him Pants and hes 15 and replys with don’t call me that anymore. People always ask why I call him pants but I really don’t know its just one of them things that just stick.
We had got everything ready, my mum and dad brought his first buggy for us. I was in the love with the buggy but looking back at photos I’m like what the hell was I thinking its ugly and massive but back then I loved it. He was due on the 27th December, Christmas came and then boxing day we went to my mum and dads that year for boxing day as boxing day is my dads birthday it was the day before I due date. Everyone kept asking me if I was fine nothing happened. My due date came and I started getting pains just thought it was Braxton hicks as they where every 4hrs and lasting only a short while. 28th at 8am I went to the doctors they told me I was in labour and to go to the hospital turns out I was only 3cm gone so off home I went. Pains got stronger and stronger about 2am 29th December DaddyOverload’s 27th birthday I got in the bath for an hour but the pains got stronger and stronger. I couldn’t take it anymore I needed to go to the hospital.
My mum met us there as she was a birthing partner with DaddyOverload, plus I’m a really bad mummy girl and I don’t think that I could have done it without her. Know though is a different story, we call her the labour jinx because she was a labour parent with my middle sister which ended up in a C Section and I ended up having a C Section with Olly.
I stayed in hospital for 2 days and was discharged 31st December, 3 days later everything changed Olly wouldn’t wake up, wouldn’t open his eyes, wouldn’t cry just wouldn’t do anything but he was still breathing. DaddyOverload woke me up as he didnt know what to do. Luckily as it was our first I had this book looked all in there nothing told me about what happens if your baby goes floppy and wont wake up. I checked the purple notes that the hospital gave me and I rang 999 they came out within 10mintues and just took him. I thought he was going to die was the scarcest time of my life. I rang my mum at 3am screaming down the phone at her that I needed her and my baby was going to die because at that point in my life I really thought he was going to die. He didnt make a sound till the doctor put a needle in his tiny little arm. After a few tests we found out that I’m a strep carrier and that he had caught strep B while I was in labour. They didnt know to check for that when he was born because I didnt know I was a carrier.
Thankfully he pulled through but it was a really horrible time. They didnt know where to put us so they put us on the Maternity ward in a side room and forgot about us. DaddyOverload wasnt allowed to stay so I was left alone with a really poorly baby on my own I could barely move because of the C Section and I hadn’t bonded with this baby and know I had to. After my horrible labour I found it really hard to bond with him at first I didnt know how I felt about him, I know it sounds really horrible he was my son my first born. I hated myself for it but when he became ill and we where stuck in the room I bonded really well with this tiny little boy, hes my best friend now and is such a mummy’s boy.
He’s now 7 going on 17 and the kindest big hearted boy I’ve ever known. He wears his heart on his sleeve and would help anyone. He looks after his little sister like anything. I wouldn’t change him for the world.
Thank you so much for reading my story was nice to tell people about losing a baby I don’t tell people to much about it.
Much Love Liz xx